Any time my little world is blue
I just have to look at you
And everything seems to be
Some kind of wonderful
I briefly talked about having a crush earlier on last month and how it was unrequited blah blah blah. I thought that maybe I should go into more details (which might or might not be a good idea, depending). I am best friends with him, we are very close and almost everyone thought that we would end up together.
For a period of time, I thought we would too because we are compatible in so many ways and we are on the same wavelength etc. But of course, at the same time, we are very different people and thinking about it right now, with much more clarity, I could just see why we wouldn't work out together.
When I was falling for him, he was falling for another girl who fell for another.
It was a very complex situation, especially when you consider the fact that I spend a lot of time with his crush and we were quite close. All 3 of us were close, just that I was much closer to him and him to me. He always said that he felt that he destroyed his own chances, which I agreed as that was a fact.
Anyway, for a while, I thought that I was getting closer to his heart, to becoming something more than just friends. Then one night, after many nights where he was feeling really down and moody, he came to me and told me the reason for his sadness. He told me with such big, bright eyes, with so much hope and anxiety in them, that my heart skipped a beat and thought this is it.
The next few words were a knife to my heart as he confessed his feelings for her to me.
I had to plaster on a smile and listen to him when all I wanted to do was curl up and cry. Rather unbefitting behaviour of someone turning 21, but I didn't care. It's not like my world ended, it just felt like I was slapped across my face for thinking too highly of myself and our friendship.
But after that, I could see all the tell tale signs. The way his face fell when he watch her watch him, the way he watched her at the after party and when he saw her watching the guy she liked leaving the party with another girl, he tried to get her to dance, to forget it all, to get her to smile. Then when he started getting over her, it was quite obvious that his feelings were going elsewhere to another girl in our group who share very similar interest with him.
It was two knives in my heart.
I was in a mess. Stuck between logic and emotions, stuck between feelings and work, stuck in a limbo with nowhere to go and no one to turn to, because he was always my rock, my shelter.
And before that, I was very upset with him for the sole reason of him giving away my phone's passcode. He was the only one ever to know my passcode. Not even my siblings know my passcode because I guard it like a dragon guarding it's gold.
To me, a phone is probably the most private, most personal thing you could own. It stores all your details, your memories, everything important and of value. It is an extension of yourself at times. The passcode is a key to everything treasured by you. I only gave one person it, I gave only him my wholehearted trust.
And that night at another friend's place for predrinks, the moment she said that she only got his and 2 other friends' passcodes, he straightaway, without hesitation, told her my passcode. I was furious, I was infuriated and I instantly changed my passcode and got myself locked out of my phone for half an hour because changing your passcode while not actively trying to remember it is not a very smart move.
But after that, I forgave him all, because I was in love and like all others in love, I am also a fool.
The thing is, I am now over him. Really. I told him how I felt about him as we were all departing for our Easter break and true to my expectations, he didn't feel the same way. Which I am grateful for now, because when you see things so clearly, you understand why things won't exactly work and I do think that the other girl he is seeing more of right now is more suitable for him. If they get together, I will definitely be very happy.
Because before I like him, he was my best friend. And I want all the people I care for and love to feel immense happiness.
He was the one who stayed with me till 1 am in the morning when I was feeling upset and stressed up. He was there when I was going through a mental breakdown, he was checking up on me every once in a while to make sure I was okay, he gave me hugs when I needed them, and he carried me over his shoulder and twirled around just to get me to laugh.
He was the only one who bothered to explain all the inside jokes to me and invite me to everything so I don't feel left out.
And he was the only one I felt comfortable with baring my soul. He is one in a million and simply irreplaceable. I am glad that after all these, I still have his friendship, because if he stopped being my friend, I am sure I would be devastated.
做不成情人，做朋友也好。
For a period of time, I thought we would too because we are compatible in so many ways and we are on the same wavelength etc. But of course, at the same time, we are very different people and thinking about it right now, with much more clarity, I could just see why we wouldn't work out together.
When I was falling for him, he was falling for another girl who fell for another.
It was a very complex situation, especially when you consider the fact that I spend a lot of time with his crush and we were quite close. All 3 of us were close, just that I was much closer to him and him to me. He always said that he felt that he destroyed his own chances, which I agreed as that was a fact.
Anyway, for a while, I thought that I was getting closer to his heart, to becoming something more than just friends. Then one night, after many nights where he was feeling really down and moody, he came to me and told me the reason for his sadness. He told me with such big, bright eyes, with so much hope and anxiety in them, that my heart skipped a beat and thought this is it.
The next few words were a knife to my heart as he confessed his feelings for her to me.
I had to plaster on a smile and listen to him when all I wanted to do was curl up and cry. Rather unbefitting behaviour of someone turning 21, but I didn't care. It's not like my world ended, it just felt like I was slapped across my face for thinking too highly of myself and our friendship.
But after that, I could see all the tell tale signs. The way his face fell when he watch her watch him, the way he watched her at the after party and when he saw her watching the guy she liked leaving the party with another girl, he tried to get her to dance, to forget it all, to get her to smile. Then when he started getting over her, it was quite obvious that his feelings were going elsewhere to another girl in our group who share very similar interest with him.
It was two knives in my heart.
I was in a mess. Stuck between logic and emotions, stuck between feelings and work, stuck in a limbo with nowhere to go and no one to turn to, because he was always my rock, my shelter.
And before that, I was very upset with him for the sole reason of him giving away my phone's passcode. He was the only one ever to know my passcode. Not even my siblings know my passcode because I guard it like a dragon guarding it's gold.
To me, a phone is probably the most private, most personal thing you could own. It stores all your details, your memories, everything important and of value. It is an extension of yourself at times. The passcode is a key to everything treasured by you. I only gave one person it, I gave only him my wholehearted trust.
And that night at another friend's place for predrinks, the moment she said that she only got his and 2 other friends' passcodes, he straightaway, without hesitation, told her my passcode. I was furious, I was infuriated and I instantly changed my passcode and got myself locked out of my phone for half an hour because changing your passcode while not actively trying to remember it is not a very smart move.
But after that, I forgave him all, because I was in love and like all others in love, I am also a fool.
The thing is, I am now over him. Really. I told him how I felt about him as we were all departing for our Easter break and true to my expectations, he didn't feel the same way. Which I am grateful for now, because when you see things so clearly, you understand why things won't exactly work and I do think that the other girl he is seeing more of right now is more suitable for him. If they get together, I will definitely be very happy.
Because before I like him, he was my best friend. And I want all the people I care for and love to feel immense happiness.
He was the one who stayed with me till 1 am in the morning when I was feeling upset and stressed up. He was there when I was going through a mental breakdown, he was checking up on me every once in a while to make sure I was okay, he gave me hugs when I needed them, and he carried me over his shoulder and twirled around just to get me to laugh.
He was the only one who bothered to explain all the inside jokes to me and invite me to everything so I don't feel left out.
And he was the only one I felt comfortable with baring my soul. He is one in a million and simply irreplaceable. I am glad that after all these, I still have his friendship, because if he stopped being my friend, I am sure I would be devastated.
做不成情人，做朋友也好。
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